you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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