her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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