it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
