Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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