honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
