I am in a vortex of obligation.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
