I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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