I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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