chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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