I puked a lego.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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