the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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