Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
