I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
