I just saw a hot homeless man
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
