dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
