My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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