Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
