i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My dick has a subreddit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
