would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
