I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
