K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
