I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
