Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
