i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
