So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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