I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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