shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
