Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
