she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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