I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
