so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
