Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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