Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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