My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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