My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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