We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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