Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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