if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
