It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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