You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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