Whod you bang
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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