its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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