I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
