i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
