the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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