so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
