thus making me awesome and them whores
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
