If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
