Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
