Don't you send me to vm
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
being pregnant is like rehab
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
