I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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