Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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