You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
