I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
