We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
